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Song

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

If its not Tyndale ....

If its not Tyndale, I wouldnt worry about where I will live next month, or what I will eat next meal. (not too many people suffer that now i assume)

If its not Tyndale, I wouldnt be alone on holidays such as Chinese new years.

If its not Tyndale, I wouldnt have to do my laundry, cook my own meals

If its not Tyndale, I would have an amazing job that I love

If its not Tyndale, I wouldnt be in debts, and not able to buy lots of what I wanna buy

If its not Tyndale, i wouldnt have to stay up all night to do an assignment and study for tests, which made me look older

If its not Tyndale, i wouldnt have to leave everything I loved.

If its not Tyndale, I wouldnt have shed so many tears.
BUT .............

If its not Tyndale, I would never learn to use my money wisely

If its not Tyndale, I would never learn solitude, and how to deal with loneliness.

If its not Tyndale, I wouldnt learn to organize time well (still donno but kept learning)

If its not Tyndale, I wouldnt know what it means to work for God, the difficulties in ministries.

If its not Tyndale, I would stay up all night anyways doing less meaningful things.

If its not Tyndale, I would not met the love of my life

If its not Tyndale and those tears, I would not have grown, the way I did this past year and a half

If its not Tyndale, I would not know God the way I do now

And if its not Tyndale, I wouldnt pay attention to what God has done in my life, provided in my life, and the amazing people he had put in my life.

^^ Thank you Tyndale

Something I learn, my quotes

Sometimes God make me feel like nothing without Him, before I become something, with Him.

Friday, 06 January 2012

Goodbye Ottawa ...

I eat last of my mom's cooking today and its like telling me ok you, come back to reality.

i really miss mom's cooking, friend's gathering and dogs sleeping by my side, I do.

I remember years ago, i would hate to be in Ottawa. I would cry for days coming back from even a short trip. Now I realize it might not be the city that matters, its the fact of coming back to reality and facing all the crap, once again. its telling me play time is over, get back to work. That's the harsh part of life.

Yet i keep telling myself, I will suffer for the Lord's sake, ha easy to say, hard to do.

My tears could not stop flowing as I eat this rice my mom prepared for me before she left. Yet i know God will use every drop of my tears and shape me into a better person.

Until next time I come back Ottawa ^^ Miss you tons.

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Giving up ?

Another dramatic night of mine, I have been having lots of those nights where I just sit there, and cry and cry, and feel too shameful to even pray..

BIG TIME FAILED

Why ? Just cuz as simple as, I just can't finish/do my assignments.

I feel so .. ashamed, such a failure. Everyone encouraged and said "You can do it, I believe in you." Even God have the same encouragement I know ...... yet I can't, I JUST CAN'T.

You dont hear that too often from me. Usually I smile and say I can do it, and suck it up and do it. Lately, its been harder and harder. All I know how to do is sit here and cry. Cuz I'm such a failure.

I was very close to just leave my house, and hope never to be found. As the wind and rain blow through my body, I kneel and look up the sky, once again, pray that hopeless prayer of wishing God just take me some other place.

Yet ... I don't want to let go. I dont want to let go of the people that kept enoucraging me on, I dont want those people I cared about to be hurt. I don't wanna transfer the hurt to them, that's selfish.

Then I finally realize one thing ...... Failure is not just me, admitting I can't do it ........ failure is giving up your own life because you are too afraid to face all the problems.

I know there are lots of hope on me, and all i say is I did try my best....... All I can do now, is slow things down, and probably take school part time instead of full time, and continue to suffer in God's grace and joy though. I'll be ok, please continue to pray for me.

Giving up for me means, just learning the fact that, nothing can seperate me from God's love, all I have to do is give everything of my up, to Him. Even if I'm a useless failure.

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Not Enough? Ever enough ?

I know i've been asking this question for quite some times now. When can God be ever enough ?

The answer is ... Always.

The question then is ..how ?

seems like when He answers one prayer, another item comes up and it never ends. I wish I can learn to appreciate the things I have more instead of complaining about what I dont have. I know a lot of people feel the same way.

So how do we do it ? Appreciating everything I have. Look what I have now that I dont have a year or even half a year ago... then ? any suggestions on how I can just be content ?

I have no energy lately.... no motivation to do anything ..... sometimes I dont even wanna get out of bed. Spiritual attack ? Satan attack ? oh i feel weak sometimes....please pray for strength

Monday, 03 October 2011

The Lord is my strength to keep going ....

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7
Somehow I always seek, and always find comfort in Him. He continues to work through my pain and struggles, and comfort me along the way. He DOES work through my weakness, and use my weaknesses to blessed others. I do thank the Lord for letting me experience Him like that!!
Although my assignment is not done on time, but this , reminds me once again, grade is not as important as experiencing Him. If I get an A, the pride last for ... one week ? but if I experience Him, hopefully it last a life time. I grow in Him. My love grow for Him.
I will give thanks to him in song ....... heres the song I praise him with ..